Selflessness in Moderation
Over the past few months, I've been in such a slump. Even with all that I usually have going on and how busy I seem to always be, I've been feeling like I want or need something else. I know you're saying, "More!?, you do not need anything else on your plate!" I mean, yes I have four boys, one who is now 10 months and getting into any and everything. Lately he's been testing out new cries and screams; I guess he's evaluating the response he receives from us using different pitches and volumes. The older boys are having a grand time in school and outside with their friends after school so much so that their time for Mommy has lessened. They still give me random hugs and kisses and they still run back every now and then to tell me they love me; it makes my heart melt every time. Hubby has started a new job venture and I've been helping to spearhead his entrepreneurial efforts with as much support as I can possibly give and then a little more. And then of course there's the never ending housework, I mean laundry is like that Lambchop song, you know the one that never ends? I think we need a week of everyone in my house not wearing any clothes or the same clothing so that I can try to begin to get a handle on that dreaded laundry room. But even with all of that I feel like I need more but this more that I need is for me. We as Mothers spend our days and our lives making sure that our children, our husbands, our families have what they need often times before our own. This selfless act is great and most times necessary to keep our families intact but this shouldn't be our norm indefinitely.
The definition of selfless is to be concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish (according to Google). This should really be the definition of Mother! When you see Mother in the dictionary this should be the definition that follows. There's another word that a lot of us never really take hold of and that's moderation. We have no moderation when it comes to food, spending, and other things and its evident in the way our society operates daily. The definition of moderation is the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behavior or political opinions (according to Google), think about what areas in your life that needs moderation. Write those things down and create a plan to increase moderation in those areas. What I want to focus on right now is how we as mothers can moderate our selflessness. Think about it, if we don't take care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, and physically we will eventually fall short in every area of our lives and our families will be the ones to suffer.
So, what I want to do is give you a few steps, a plan of action if you will, to help begin the process of getting us out of that slump and on the road to creating some balance between our families and ourselves.
Step 1: Change the way you see life.
We have a motto at our church, When you change the way you see a thing, the way you see a thing will change. This starts with a change in your mindset. You have to first identify your mindset before you can change it. How do you feel about your life, how do you feel about yourself? Are these feelings positive or negative? Are there things you can change to turn your negative feelings into positive ones. Are there things that you can't change and if so how can you better accept these things. Write down your answers to these questions and be honest. We have to be honest about these things if we truly want to get out of this slump, if we really want to get off the road of extreme selflessness. Once we have identified our mindset change it! Easier said then done I know because for so long we've been living with the same mindset but we must change our paradigm.
“A person changes his/her beliefs, ways of thinking and ways of acting upon things around in all or most of the aspects of life.”
Kirk Lau
To read more on how to change your paradigm, here's a nice article on Paradigm Shift.
Hopefully after changing the way we see life and shifting our paradigm we will have uncovered some things about ourselves and something that we always wanted to do should be one of them. If we always wanted to learn a new trade, find out what you need to do to learn this trade and get started learning. If it is going back to school to earn a degree, find a school with that degree program, apply for that school and for financial aid and go back to school. If its starting your own business doing something you love to do, step out and do it, create a business plan, name your business, and work your business. If its to go on a much needed time out by yourself, find a fantastic place and go relax. Whatever it is that YOU want to do, do it with all of your might!
Step 3: Enjoy doing that thing.
Find yourself a reliable and trusting babysitter or while the children are at school and hubby is at work do whatever it is you decided to do. Because you have done what was needed to complete Step 1, this Step should be easily accomplished. The children will be ok, hubby will survive and the house will still be intact so don't worry. Just focus on doing what you decided to do and enjoying it.
These three steps can be broken down into smaller steps but whatever you have to do to get these things done, do it! This will begin the process of taking care of yourself. Doing these things will not have you neglecting your family but it will include you and remove yourself from the neglected list. You will adapt to this new found attention to yourself and begin to be selfless in moderation. What better way to totally and completely care for your family than to take care of yourself wholly?
Some of us cannot imagine living without our moms even as adults. Think about how your family would feel if you weren't available. To be mentally checked out is often times worst than not being there at all. We owe it to ourselves and to our families to take charge of our lives and change some things. Understand that we can be selfless when it calls for it and we can balance it without being selfish. Live on purpose and abundantly for yourselves and for your family. Its one of the best gifts we can give.
Share with me some of the things you intend to change and some of the things you plan to do to enjoy yourself? I would love to read them!
Until Next Time!
Crowns Galore
XOXOXOXO
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